I mean....

Kyle has the freakin life!

Cody turned what?! 4?!

My baby is not a baby anymore! Cody turned 4. The kids stayed at Mikes for a week and came home on the his birthday morning. Cody walked in and I had balloons all over and a big Happy Birthday sign! He immediately asked what it was all for with a big smile...I told him it was for him and he said in the sweetest most excited voice "Thanks Mom!!!!" It was so sweet. We had a few people over and he got some fun stuff. Our dear friends the Parks decided to give us a pet. A hermit crab. Thats a whole other blog! Heres some pics from the party!

Cody and his cool Thomas the Train cake!


Nathaniel, Bryce, Code and Leah


Get ready.....


Meet Crabby

MMMmmm good!

Kyle eats Tomato soup now!! I know, I can hardly believe it!!! I am beyond excited. For those of you who don't know, my 6 year old has the diet of...well he lacks a diet! He will eat very few things and its been HELL trying to get him to try new foods! We have been working on new foods for months and finally have stumbled upon this and he eats it (well drinks it from a straw but who cares, my son eats something other than chips!). Woo hoo, Go Kyle!

Brotherly Love

After a busy weekend, being lazy and stayin in jammies sounded really good this mornin! I decided to load the kids up and drive to Mc Donalds for some really healthy breakfast ;) Well, I got down the street and realized I forgot my purse. I quickly turned around and Kyle began to cry. He was told where we were going and I threw him off by turning around to go back home!! He was quite upset!

Cody softly said to his older brother, "KYle it's ok, mom just forgot her purse. Don't cry." It was so sweet. I kinda got teary eyed. I immediately told Cody how nice he was and what a good brother he was being. I have had to explain to Code several times that Kyle's brain works differently than his and that Kyle doesn't always understand things. So Cody says back to me "Kyle's brain is different than mine, mom. Maybe I could give him some of my brain so he can talk and so he won't cry." What a great moment!

I started to think how lucky Cody is to have Kyle as a big brother. He teaches Cody so much. It's not like what most older brothers teach their younger brothers, it's so much more! :) I love my boys!

Happy Birthday Kyle!

I decided, with much pushing and shoving from Jen, to have a birthday party for Kyle this year. I am so glad I did! He loved all of it!! We opened presents and he did so good thanking everyone for his gifts. Then we sang Happy Birthday and he even blew his candles out!! It was really cute. We all had a great time, and I'm so glad we could celebrate with a few friends and family this special day! Happy 6th Birthday buddy!


Kyle enjoying all the attention!

Bus ticket?!

Kyle has gone through 4 bus drivers since the beginning of this year! Yes I said it 4! Well the latest one is a small Hispanic woman who is very soft spoken. Kyle has been absolutely AWFUL since she started. He throws himself on the ground, it takes both her and I to get him into the seat. While kyle is throwing this really nice tantrum the other 5 or so kids on the bus start to get agitated. Last week one of them tried to escape while this poor lady is trying to buckle my screaming kid! Today there was a rather large African American girl who was sitting in the front seat and started hitting a rather small African American girl. I told her to stop because the bus driver was dealing with my kid. Well the larger girl proceeded to take her seat belt off and climb over seats. The bus driver looked at this obviously mentally disabled girl and said "That's it your getting a bus ticket!"

Now, I'm not an extremely intelligent person but, I'm pretty sure not one of those kids knows, much less cares what a bus ticket is. I think these bus drivers need a lil more than how to drive a bus training. Maybe how to deal with a bunch of autistic kids training, eh?! A bus ticket ain't gonna do much bus driver!




(This before when kyle "liked" the bus...miss those days.)

Cody the future barber...NOPE!

Today I spent the morning at Jen's working on our 10 year class reunion. The kids were playing well together for the most part. Cody and Leah were in the other room playing with paper and markers. At some point they got scissors and were cutting paper (or so we thought thats what they were cutting. We didnt pay much attention because they were letting us accomplish a lot. Huge mistake on our part. A little while later we wer having them clean up some candy mess they made and Cody proudly said to Jen, "and here's Leah's hair." We both gasped and immediately Jen went to leah's hair and we found where the missing chunk belonged. It didn't seem too bad, and looked like it would blend pretty well. After Jen scolded her and explained that we don't cut our own hair she did what every kid would...ratted Cody out! She said, "well Cody cut his hair too!" I looked at Cody and sure enough saw a huge chunk missing from the top of his hair! What the heck guys?!It wasn't until about 30 minutes later that I discovered he had gone to town with the scissors! He had bald spots all over the side of his head.

Fragile X

I watched a really good program on Fragile X (which is Kyle's main diagnosis) and felt so good afterward. At the end of the program this was read and it brought me to tears!


I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

by Emily Perl Kingsley


I love Kyle, and have said this many times before and Ill say it again, I wouldn't trade him in for anything. He has taught me more than I could ever imagine a 5 year old could. I am so lucky to have him call me mom (well someday call me mom :)

Pee Pee in the Potty!

Potty Training. Each month Kyle's team of therapist including me come up with programs and goals for him to meet. Last month when we met the "team leader" (the PC) was very insistant on getting Kyle potty trained. I honestly didn't care and didn't think he was ready (thats always my excuse :) He put it into Kyle's program. Once a week they take a full session and dedicate it to JUST potty training. Which means for 3 hours every 5-10 minutes we are struggling to get my giant autistic 5 year old on the pot!! Then the last hour of each session we are doing potty training. I hate this. I dread this. It is long and tiring. And ususally it results in NOTHING in the toliet.

I have been meaning to write about this for a while now....About a 2 weeks ago, Emily and I were doing potty training and had been struggling to get him on the the stinkin toliet then get him to STAY on the toliet. Finally we resorted to turning the TV on and angling it so he could see it. Not even 5 minutes on the toliet and I feel my leg getting wet!!!! Oh my gosh! He peed! More of it was on me than in the toliet but who cares, right?! My autistic son just got the concept after weeks of pure hell! So, 10 minutes later we got him on again...and he peed again! Holy crap! Emily and I were so excited jumping up and down! So the next day we thought piece of cake. Wrong.

So it's been two weeks of fighting and stuggling and me wanting to give up and the oh so patient therapist routing me and Kyle on as they set the timer, and nothing. Til yesterday. Des and I were both not too excited about potty training day but we did it anyway and the last time we put him on the potty...he went potty!!!! YAY! We high fived him, eachother, even Cody was excited!!

I have read a million and one articles on potty traing an autistic child and they all say the same thing...patience! So, that is what I am gonna TRY and have is patience. He has come a long way from being terrified of sitting on the toliet to now going potty in it so I am proud of him and will continue this hard work, cuz I know the reward is worth it!! So wish me (and Kyle..and Des..and Emily) Happy Potty Training! :)

All Aboard!!!!

Cody LOVES trains. Love may not be a strong enough word to describe how this kid feels about trains. He can hear a train before anyone. He can spot a train before anyone. Trains are a part of Cody's being! :) My mom has been promising Cody that she would take him for a ride on the metrolink for a while now and he got to cash in last week! We took a ride to Santa Clarita (about a 45 minute ride) and back home. He was in heaven.


Cody with his train ticket!



Cody and Leah! Arent they so cute?


Cody and Grandma!


Cody and Leah sayin goodbye to the train!

Kids say the dardest things!

It's so funny the things kids pick up.....

The other day Cody was trying to get my attention. He wanted to show me something. He said, "Babe, look at the fan!" My 3 1/2 year old called me Babe!

This morning Cody asked who I was talking to on the phone. I answered "Jenny." and his reply was "Why do you talk to her so much?" haha little does he know, talking to her keeps me sane!

It could be worse...I could be Katie!

I find this to be kinda funny. If you know me then you know I really do laugh about things like this. If you don't know me really well, then take my word for it that I laugh A LOT of things off! I do think my life isn't the easiest but it sure as heck isn't the hardest either, I can think of much worse, I could be...!

Onto the story..........


My best friend Jen was talking with a mutual friend of ours that is going through a divorce. She has 2 little ones and is obviously having a rough time. Divorce is never easy and certainly when there are kids involved it makes it that much more difficult. I know this first hand! Well, Jen was asking how she was dealing with everything and her response went something to the effect of....Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself I think of Katie and how much worse off she has it!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Now don't get me wrong it makes me feel good to know people realize the hard work I put in on a day to day basis. BUT I didnt think I was the person that made other people look at there lives and think to themselves..."Well, it could be worse, I could be Katie!" Kinda makes me laugh that I'm that person...Let me tell ya guys as much as I complain I love my life, my kids, my friends, and my family! My life isn't THAT bad.....is it??? :)

Kyle

I do a lot of complaining about my sweet innocent giant 5 year old almost 6 year old autistic son. He makes messes upon messes not once a day but more like from the moment he wakes up til he is snoozin in his bed at night! But I love him more than anything and wouldnt trade this boy for anything (I would trade some of his messes tho)! Since most of the time Im sharing the not so fun things he does I thought I'd share the progress he has made in just the last few months. I'm so proud of Kyle and all he has accomplished and his continued hard work.

He gets on the bus now with no problem (I used to have to carry him from the house to the bus which was no easy task) at 7:30am. He is in school working very hard with an amazing teacher and 3 aides who care so much for him until 2:30! He has made HUGE improvements there. Ms. Kim came out with a huge smile one afternoon and was so excited to tell me how Kyle tried marshallows and raisins that day (he of course had a trash can right beside him to throw it out after every bite, but anyone who knows Kyle knows thats a HUGE improvement)! She even took video to show me! I know his improvements have a great deal to do with these great people who are teaching my son and care for him as much as I do!

After school he gets a half hour then starts ABA (an intense therapy that has been proven to help autistic kids) from 3-6 everyday! I look back at when he first started and I get teary eyed at what he can do now! His tantruming has faded his understanding and compliance has made a huge turn around! He can touch most of his body parts. He comes when you ask him (most of the time, but what typical kids listens all the time?)! His communication is awesome...he even said BREAK when he needed a break! The girls that work with him are so patient and get so excited when he does something new! Kyle is doing awesome and improves more and more everyday!

Kyle is a huge blessing in my life and I too often complain about the hard parts of having Kyle. I am so proud to be his mom and grateful for all he teaches me. I look forward to more progress because I know he can do it! I love you buddy!

Check twice before pressing SEND!

Today something pretty funny happened. At least I think it was funny. To a certain someone it may not have been too funny. My phone notified me of a text and 2 seconds later notified me of another. I checked it not expecting what I found and who I found it from! :)

It read: I love you baby ;) Thx for the shower lovin!!

The next one read: Crap! I'm sorry Katie that was inappropriate and not on purpose..ur text was the last one up. I'm so embarrassed.

All I could do was laugh! This made my day that he would be so dumb as to send me this text! I cant imagine how mortified he was not to mention how embarrassed she is!!! Hahaha

Soooo...Lesson in text messaging, Check to make sure you are sending a message about shower lovin you received to your WIFE not EX WIFE! hahaha! Another great moment brought to you by my ex!

She's Got A Way....

One of my favorite songs is She's Got A Way by Billy Joel. I love the words, they're so pretty. Cody just started to show intrest in music and will voice in the car if he likes a song or will tell me to turn off a song if he doesn't care for a song. He has pretty good taste so far! The last few times I have put on good ol Billy Joel, Cody wants me to play it over and over and over again! Basically I wait til we are near our destination before I put it on, otherwise we have to hear it 18x. He LOVES it.

The other day I was driving to drop Cody off at Jen's and he requested it! He asked me to put that song on that he loves. So, I put it on, and I started singin along. Cody asked, "mom, what is that guy talking about?" I started explaining to my almost 4 year old about what the song meant. Basically that this guy loves his wife very much and she makes him very happy. I turn my head and he looked a little confused. Then he asked, "Then she got away?" I laughed and tried to explain the best I could. Then told him that he should dedicate this song to his mom...he said ok, so maybe someday! :)

Enjoy!

Who gets the friends?

Ive been wanting to write about this subject for a while now but for some reason or another I havent! Probably because it is more of one of my rants rather than a well thought out, well written blog post! But thats ok cuz its my blog, right?!

So I will pose this question to all of you...In a divorce (where clearly the couple parts hating eachother and it ends up being a "messy divorce"...basically Im talking about me and Mike) is it possible to keep mutual friends???

I have had a really hard time with this. Mainly because I don't think its possible. How can you be friends with a man who did what Mike did to his wife and kids and still be friends with the woman he did this to? How can you look me in the eyes and tell me what a jerk he is and then leave facebook or myspace comments for him asking how he is doing and how great he and his new wifey look?! I just don't get it. I feel like you either think he is a jerk or you don't! I think loyalty is a huge part of friendship of any kind, and when people are "friends" with both Mike and I I feel betrayed by that person, and if I can be totally honest I really dont consider them a friend to me. How can I?

I am not looking to keep all the friends. Im not even looking for people to be on my side....I am just wanting people to decide who they wanna be friends with, because I am tired of getting people who ask how Im doing, tell me what an idiot my ex is when they see me. Then do the same thing to him! If you don't think what he did was awful then don't lie to me. I feel like sides need to be chosen and then have some loyalty people!

Now, maybe I'm just being the emotional woman that I so often am (especially when it comes to the subject of my divorce), but am I wrong for feeling like people should take a side and have loyalty in divorce????

Money tree, where are you???

I am depressed. Why can't money grow on trees? I am so poor, and HATE it.

Cody the flying 3 year old

Why is everything an argument with my 3 year old? Tell me all 3 year olds are like this...because at this very moment as I type these words out, I want to throw him out the window!

Come on lotto!

Here is my wish list when James wins the lotto (he says he is gonna play today and i am crossing my fingers he wins...he said he'd share)!

1. Pay off all my credit card debt...what a relief that would be
2. King size bed with all new bedroom furniture
3. a pool in the backyard with a waterfall
4. a NANNY-fulltime...the kind that lives with you. So she can wake up at 6:30 every once in a while with them!
5. a new camera and photo shop program that I know how to use!
6. one of those cute new colored laptops by dell-Im tired of my computer having to be in a certain spot and if i move it comes unplugged and then shuts off. ugh!
7. someone who comes to my house once a month to clean my car-inside and out!
8. Tile or wood floors all over the downstairs...so tired of stained carpet.
9. I mean Id have to have someone to come clean that tile once a week...so a cleaning person!
10. a trip to Hawaii for 2 weeks! How nice would that be?!!
hmmm what else, this is kinda fun...
11. A house by the beach and a house by my parents. Best of both worlds!


I guess thats all for now...I dont think its much. Maybe the rest of my share Id save for a rainy day!! :) Until all this happens I will think of things I can add to my wish list!

Patience.....

Today is Sunday. Today Victor, Kyle's respite guy, usually comes to watch him and play with him so I can get a few things done or have a break or whatever. Well, Victor is taking a vacation (i dont blame him) which left me with no break. I woke up this morning with a great idea. Take the kids to Target. All of you who know me well, know I do not venture out with both my kids very often. Especially by myself. Kyle alone demands all my attention in a store. Then you add busy Cody and it makes for a stressful trip. Well, today I woke up feeling pretty confident (and I needed wipes ASAP so maybe desperate)! I got the kids dressed and off we went. I even decided to drive to Super Target. Their carts are better, its less crowded ( a bonus for Kyle), and I needed a few grocery items.

I talked to Cody the whole way there about being a good boy and listening to mommy and trying to help Kyle if he cries, etc. We pulled up to my favorite place on earth. Unload both the kids and walk over to grab a cart. Cody of course already starts to whine about not wanting to get in the cart. I use all my muscle to lift my giant almost 6 year old autistic child into the front of the cart. Mind you he doesnt help at all, dead weight. I am trying to weed his legs into the holes and its not working, hes huge! Finally after a few attempts we get it. Cody is hanging on the front of the cart and we are off to shop, as fast as I possibly can

We start out pretty good. Cody acting like a train and Kyle taking in all the things going on around us. Then we pass the Tvs. Uh oh. Kyle starts to whine and point at the Tvs. He wants to go watch. I wanna hurry up and get outta the store. I keep going. Kyle is getting increasingly aggitated and Im getting increasingly anxious. Cody has gotten off the cart about 800x by the time we are half way done. I keep threatening him and he keeps not listening. At one point he gets off and sees something. Goes over picks it up shrugs his shoulders and PUTS IT IN HIS MOUTH! I know so gross. Calmly as possible, I walk over to get him and tell him thats not ok and to see what it was exactly, when Kyle starts to cry and proceeds to throw things outta the cart. Wonderful. I tell Cody to get back on the cart or else!! Im sure he was real scared. Ha.

Off to produce where Cody has to touch everything that he can get his mitts on (reason enough to wash your fruits and vegies folks). I am reaching for cilantro when a man walks too close for Kyle's comfort. Kyle grabs him. Nice. I smile and apologize. Cody is now running circles around the produce area. I try and stay calm and collected. I wait for him to get close to me and I snatch him. I carry him the rest of the shopping visit.

Finally checkout time. I pick a line thats short and load my stuff on the counter fast like a bunny. Cody is now laying on the bottom of the cart and Kyle is starting to make lots of noise cuz he likes the echo! I tell Kyle what a good boy he was and we are almost done. He really did pretty good. I was impressed and even thought I could do this again with some minor changes (cody in the cart the whole time). I walked out to the car with Cody riding on the bottom of the cart and Kyle making his "bird call" noises.

I started loading my groceries with Cody crawling around the cart and ground..me telling him to get up its dirty on the ground. As Im doing this the woman behind me in line approached me with a smile. She told me she had to come tell me how impressed she was with my patience. She said how great I handled it and how impatient she is with her own kids. I told her with tears welling up under my sun glasses, how much she just made my day! And she did. So often I think I am so impatient with my kids and to know that some stranger noticed me trying my best to be patient meant more than she will ever know! So thank you to the woman in Super Target who made me not wanna quit my job as a mom today! (I knew I loved Target) :)

Do things ever really change?

Im gonna warn u all that this blog is more about me venting than anything so if it doesnt make sense sorry....with that said. I have been divorced for going on 3 years and the man is still the same selfish man he was when we were married. Is it possible for someone to change? In his case, I dont think its possible. All he thinks about is himself, I have never known someone to be as self centered as he is. Ive never known a dad to be so disconnected from his kids. He tells me ALL the time that those kids mean everything to him but in the same breath tell me he is "booked on thursdays and Saturdays until October". Keep in mind he sees his boys 2x a month and it happens to be Thursday night thru Sunday. So basically he is too busy for his own kids that he sees so little as it is. I can't begin to tell you how frustrating it is to have the father of your children totally disreguard the needs of them to fulfill his own selfish wants. I don't get it. I feel so sad for Kyle and Cody, they are the ones who will suffer. They are too young to realize what their dad is doing now but one day they will realize it and I do not look forward to that sad day. Until then what do you do? I guess be the best mom I can and keep my feelings for their dad separate.....divorce sucks.

Another Kyle adventure....

This morning I was upstairs rushing to get ready...therapy was going to be a lil earlier. I was just about ready (putting my shirt on) when up the stairs runs Cody! Panting he says in a very panicked voice "Mommy, Kyle is gonna burn our house...he put spiderman in the toaster and made it go down and now there is biiiiig fire!" I instantly freak out and run downstairs so fast (I am surprised I didn't eat it on the way down) to smell burned plastic...probably one of the worst smells! I turn the corner to the kitchen to see the toaster smoking! I unplug it only to see spiderman in a big melted mess. Of course Kyle is in the other room completely oblivious to what he just did. I thanked Cody for telling me and waited for spiderman to cool and peeled him outta the toaster. My dad comments on a regular basis what a great life Kyle leads...I have to agree...he sure does lead a pretty careless life! Some days, I will have to admit it would be kinda nice to be in Kyle's shoes! :)

Feeling grateful....

Today I am feeling extremely grateful for the life I lead. Sometimes (who am I kidding, most days) I feel sorry for myself and what I have to endure everyday. Im a single mom with 2 kids, one being autistic. I feel so often that I am not gonna make it. One more day of therapy, one more day of a mess kyle has made, one more day of Cody whining, one more day of arguing with Mike. Not. Gonna. Make. It. But, really I need to stop and think to myself how truely blessed I am. Life isn't easy for anyone, but the way we deal with it is what matters. I have 2 kids that love me and teach me something new everyday! I have a family who are extremely supportive even if I make choices they don't agree with. I have parents who love my kids and love me more than anything, and do so much for me. I have friends that will listen when I call to complain about my life and then root me on. I really am lucky. There are so many people out there dealing with life's trials with much better attitudes! They inspire me to be a better person, a more positive person, a more patient person! So, today I am gonna start TRYING to look at what I have to be grateful for, and not focus so much on the negative! It could ALWAYS be worse, right?!

what happened mommy?

Leave it to Cody to boost his mom's self esteem through the roof. I am 27 years old and still get the occasional zit (usually its a once a month kinda thing...if u know what I mean). I hate them. They make me feel self conscious and un pretty. I try and cover it up using waaaay too much cover up and make it look worse in the end but I can't leave it bright red and pulsing, right?! Have I mentioned how much I hate zits?! My 3 year old, bless his lil innocent heart, (without fail) has to point it out EVERYtime I get one. He asks me in a sweet voice, while pointing to this abscess on my face, "Mommy is that an ouwee (spellling?) ???" To keep him from asking any more questions about this thing, I reply with a simple "Yes". He then begins to ask how I got it and what I "banged" it on? I mean, thank you Cody for pointing out the very thing I thought I hid so well with half that bottle of cover up!!!!!! And once again I hate zits and wish I would grow up and NOT have them anymore!

Who stepped on a duck?!

Growing up with 5 boys in the house, 4 brothers and a dad, farting was something that happened on a regular basis. I hated it. I still do. My brothers would do it and laugh and laugh, they still do. My dad would do it and everyone would laugh and laugh, and everyone still does. I remember growing up my dad would do this horrible gross thing and then look around and say "Who stepped on a duck?". Well, he has taught this to my innocent, cute, 3 year old Code. So the other night Cody was up late, we were snuggling on the couch and he....farted. He smiled and looked around and then said "I stepped on a duck, mom!" I couldn't help but giggle. Then He looked at me and said straight faced as ever "I've been steppin on a lotta ducks lately!!" Then I let out a laugh! I hate farting, I think it is the nastiest thing and sould be left for the restroom but how could I not LOL at that one?! So, thank you dad for teaching my son that phrase. For some reason when that is said by a 3 year old that bodily function isn't so bad!

5:00 shadow?

Cody is USUALLY pretty well behaved. He is USUALLY the one who comes to tell me when Kyle has made a mess. He USUALLY plays with his trains nicely while I take my shower. Not the case this last week. I got Kyle on the bus and off to school. I told Code, who was quietly playing on the floor, that I was going to go take a shower. I went and took a shower...put on my make up and was about to blow dry my hair when I hear little Code scream that he needs me downstairs. Then he says "Mom, my hands are a mess". I immediately run downstairs to find the biggest shaving cream mess I have ever seen! Kyle has a bin of therapy supplies and shaving cream is one of the supplies. Cody got into it and decided to " clean". So Thank you Cody for making me enjoy motherhood a lil more!!!! ;)

I feel like these pics dont do the mess justice-I should have takin a picture of how many paper towels it took to clean up this disaster!!

Yikes!

Ok. I would like to think I have pretty decent self esteem. I think Iam an average looking gal whos personality makes her a lil above average (if I do say so myself, and I guess I just did)! haha. BUT...the past few times I have downloaded pictures from my camera or most recently, seen pictures blasted on Facebook (for all the world to see might I add) from other peoples cameras, I have been disappointed. I find myself thinking...wow do i really look like that?! I swear I was a lil cuter than that! Some might think it was just the camera or maybe having a bad day or my favorite excuse to use is its THAT pose (and every pose after that one)!!! The problem is, I find that I have been having to use these excuses EVERYtime I see a picture of myself. So...is my self image way off??? Does anyone else have the feeling of "wow I swear I look better than that" ? Tell me Im not the only one? :)

cheesy cheetos

Kyle has very few foods he will eat. Sunships, harvest cheddar was Kyle's very favorite for a long time. They are messy. His hands get this cheese residue and then he puts his messy hands on my walls, his clothes and my most favorite my face or my white shirt I stupidly decided to wear that day! One day about a year ago Jen and I were discussing how messy these chips were and what could be worse!!!! Then Jen mentioned cheetos! I then agreed that those would be the absolute WORST! Not too long after this conversation Kyle's teacher delivered the great news that Kyle had tried a new food!!! I was over joyed. I had a big grin until she told me what the new food was. You guessed it, CHEETOS. I mean why couldn't it be an apple? a chicken nugget? even another type of chips? Nope. THE messiest thing in the world. Lucky for Kyle we still love him! :)

Bye-Bye Binkie!

Cody has had the same nasty binkie since we moved into this house, so almost 8 months. I didnt buy a new one with the intention of taking it away soon. Well, soon turned into 8 months before we knew it! The poor binkie this last month was on its last leg...the little ring thing that is on the front broke off...he still used it. It got a hole in it and I knew that was gonna do it...nope he still used it. Well, about a week ago Cody was using the restroom and in a sleepy slumber he dropped his binkie right outta his lil mouth and it landed right into the...YEP! I scooped it up and told him it was the end (actually I lied and told him we would go to the store and get a new one). He whined for only a few minutes the next 2 nights but now he is officially binkie free, and I have to admit...Im sad. This means my baby isnt a baby anymore..no bottle, no diapers, and now NO binkie. Time really does fly by, they grow up so fast! Im proud of my little Cody for kickin the habit but secretly I wanna go out and buy a new one for him....dont worry I wont!

The binkie on its last leg!

Mud bath anyone?

Today the boys went outside to "play". They were awfully quiet but I was enjoying it too much to go check on them. After a good 15 minutes of quiet time I decided to check and found Kyle sitting in a pile of mud and Cody with the hose! I guess boys will be boys, right?

Summer Sucks

Most people are blogging these days about how much they LOVE summer. I HATE summer. And its not cuz its hot. Kyle has NO school. NO school for Kyle equals a very antsy Kyle and a very frustrated mommy. It's only been a week of summer and Im already trying to think of how Im going to survive (or better yet how Kyle is going to survive)! Since school let out 1 week ago, I have had to vacuum up more chips than you can imagine. Clean up spilled cherry limeade that he pulls outta the fridge by himself and tried to drink straight from the carton but more ends up on my kitchen floor than in his mouth. Catch him trying to flush toys and other objects other than you know what down the toliet. Clean sticks of butter off my walls, the tv and floor. and the list goes on. Its not like he picks one thing to do one day and saves another mess for the next day. These messes are created one after the other! Im ready for summer to be OVER!

One of the many summer messes Kyle has created...notice the piece of butter at the ceiling. I mean how did he even get it up there?!

Grandpas are daddys on loan.......

My kids are so lucky to have a grandpa who loves and cares about them so much. Kyle and Cody have a dad who isn't around as much as these 2 little boys need him (a whole other blog that I'm not quite ready to write yet) and I'm so grateful my dad has stepped up and taken on that role. My kids look forward every week to Grandpa coming over to mow the lawn. Cody notices when the grass is a lookin a lil long and askes to call his grandpa so he can ask when he is comin to mow the lawn! Thanks dad for being there for my boys.

Update on the neighbor situation...

So, I woke up the other morning to this! Isn't it pretty?! The crazy lady actually cleaned up the mess she made! I mean...who does that?! I don't think I could have created such a masterpiece only to clean it up myself a few days later! I don't even think the dude ever saw it. What a waste......

:(

Go Girl!

The other night Im relaxing after a chaotic day with the kids. All the sudden I hear what sounds like breaking glass! I get a lil scared and look out my sliding glass door cuz it sounds like its in my backyard! Well, I see nothin. I decide to go look out my window upstairs, it looks straight into my neighbors backyard. WOW! Was my reaction. I see clothes and various items scattered all over the lawn! Then I see her (my neighbor) chucking dishes one by one out her door!! Then she goes back inside and gets mirrors, decorative vases, even a freakin computer!! Her dude must be in some serious trouble!! So in the morning I decided to check out the damage in the daylight! This was it-I was trying to be sneaky so its not a very good shot but u get the idea! She has since added a mattress and bedframe to the creation! HAHA-I mean if I were him I'd stay way away!

I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs...

Ok....So, many of you know Mike has been engaged for almost a year. He never told me about the engagement...I found out through a mutual friend. I asked him about it and what is he gonna say except "yes I'm engaged". I explained to him that maybe he should share these things with me since it would be affecting our boys lives. He disagreed and still doesn't understand why he needs to tell me anything! (This just gives you an idea of what an idiot the guy is but that's a whole other blog for another day! :) Well the past few months we have been getting along so I have asked about his upcoming wedding and he kept saying they haven't set a date...they have no money...they are waiting to be sealed in the temple...blah blah blah. Then a couple weeks ago he shows up to get the kids and I notice he is wearing a freakin wedding ring! What the? I mean was he going to hide it from me forever? I don't understand the way this man thinks, which is probably one of the many reasons our marriage ended in divorce! So, once again I did the asking instead of him doing the telling! I sure hope he is a better husband and father to his, in Mike's famous words, "new family"! Congratulations to the new Mr. and Mrs. Wagner! Man, I need to change my last name quick!

Some random pics! Enjoy!

my bros and I at Bretts wedding!

Gitty up cowboy Cody!

Kyle relaxin on the swing!

BBQing at Bryce and Leah's house!

Ethan being the oldest got stuck swingin the lil ones! And one not so lil one!

Cody attacking Kyle with water!


James and I at a friends wedding!

One of those days....

Let me preface this post by stating how much I love my kids and even as much as I complain I can't imagine how boring my life would be without them!

Most days I am totally ok with the cards I have been dealt. More specifically, I'm ok with Kyle and the struggles and triumphs that we go through together. Because thats all I know. He has always been...Kyle. Well, I am only human and there are days that I think to myself...why me? (I know, what a selfish thing to say) What if he was typical? What would he be like? How much easier would my life be? I try and put things in perspective and think how truely lucky I am that I was entrusted with Kyle, but it certainly doesn't make it any easier on those days.

WOW....

Am I the only idiot that didn't know a baby kangaroo is called a "joey"??? We were at a animal exhibit the other day and it said "kangaroo joey". So naturally I said, "Cody look, this baby kangaroo's name is Joey"! This little girl started laughing and told her friend "that lady thinks the kangaroo's name is Joey!" My mom kindly explained to her 27 year old daughter that a baby kangaroo is called a joey. WOW. I felt like the biggest idiot.

Polly Wanna Cracker?!

Cody has begun to repeat EVERYTHING I say. But he has seemed to only pick up the bad things I say. The other day we had a conversation that went something like this:

Me: Cody, come over and get your clothes on! (repeat 3x)

Cody: Ugh! Mommmy Im so irritated! You're sooo annoying! I quit!

I mean...I guess I need to watch what I say because that is pretty much what I say and in that order too! :)

Flushed Away!

This is what the plumber found after 5+ hours and 3 days of snaking the toliets several times. Cutting a hole in the bathroom wall to get to the pipes. Sending a camera through the roof. And last but definitely not least sticking his hand in the toliet! Thanks to one of my children they have once again caused my dad to question why he had us move into this house! :( Sorry dad! Are my kids the only ones who cause so much damage? I kinda feel like they are!

final score: 4 boys 1 girl

We had pics taken a few months back when we were all together for Christmas. My brothers are pretty funny and my favorite times are when we all get together and laugh! Its the best! For a long time I felt jipped (is that a word and if so did i spell it right?) because I didn't grow up with a sister. Well, I can proudly say I'm glad I didn't have a sister and that I have the brothers I do! They all make me laugh and I love them for it! Love u guys...Jas, Chris, Trav, and Brett!

My Mr. Perfect

Its been almost 2 1/2 years since the divorce. I can't believe it sometimes! When I think back to how much I have grown not only as a mom but as a woman, its amazing! I feel so good about where I am in my life and have never felt better about who I am! I can honestly say I am HAPPY! What a great feeling!



On to the good stuff! I have dated several guys in the past year or so and am grateful for all the experiences, good and bad! It has made me realize that I will NOT settle for less than the best the second time around. I made a list a while back of my Mr. Perfect. It started as a joke and after dating some not so great guys it was really looking like a joke. I was beginning to get discouraged and not so sure I was gonna find my Mr. Perfect. Then October came and I met the most amazing guy. He is my list and so much more!



I didn't think a man existed that could be so accepting of my situation, more specifically my kids! Lets face it, my kids are a handful (probably more like 2 handfuls, maybe 3)! He is so great with them! The transition has been so smooth and natural I couldn't have imagined it any better! Any guy who OFFERS to babysit MY kids while I go to work gains major points in my book! :) I feel so grateful my boys have taken so well to him and have him around as a male influence! Its been nothing but possitive!



He makes me laugh whenever I talk to him. He laughs at me and thinks I'm funny. He gets me. He makes me feel pretty all the time, not just sometimes. He drives here to Palmdale from Pasadena (an hour + drive) at least 3x a week just to sit on my couch and watch American Idol or Greys Anatomy cuz I have my kids and no sitter, and NEVER complains. He likes hangin with my best friend and her husband. He is the nicest guy and so easy going. He is the best dad to his boys and always puts them first. He doesn't get irritated with me cuz Im a horrible decision maker. He appreciates and acknowledges all the hard work I put into being a mom to Kyle and Cody. He still gives me butterflies everytime he knocks on my door. He makes me smile just thinking about him. The best part about James is he makes me so HAPPY!



I'm so lucky to have found a man who treats me AND my kids so well. Here's to My Mr. Perfect existing! WOO HOO!

Bitter Sweet

My kids are pretty much my life. I eat, sleep(or dont sleep), and breathe Kyle and Cody. They go with Mike every other week for 3 days, and now I look forward to that much needed break! Cody has been giving me, his mom who eats sleeps and breathes for HIM, a tough time lately. So I asked Mike if he wanted to take Cody for a few extra days. Mike doesnt get to spend quality one on one time with just Code (which I think he needs). I didnt think his dad was going to agree to this but he did! I was excited until I looked at calandar. He will have Cody for Easter :( My Code will not be here, in my house with me, to run downstairs to a basket full of goodies from the Easter Bunny. As much as he frustrates me and I could use the extra break...Im so sad. These are the days that the effects of the divorce really hit me. Mike has reassured me that he will do something nice for Cody but it just isn't the same.

Duh, mom!

Yesterday morning I was in my bathroom getting ready and Cody walked in and started playin with some bobby pins that were laying on the counter. He was pretending it was a spider (he has a great imagination). He started singing Itsy Bitsy Spider (which was so stinkin cute). So naturally I started singing along! We sang it a few times and in jumps Kyle excited to hear his mom's amazing voice! I then tell Cody "hey Code lets have kyle sing Itsy Bitsy Spider!" He looked at me like i was stupid and said "moooom Kyle doesn't talk!". I smiled and we kept on singin! It was the first time Cody has acknowledged his brother being a little different, but he said it so matter of fact, like it was normal. Kyle is so lucky to have Cody as a brother, he is gonna be so good to him! Makes me smile! :)

Slacker!

Ok so Im probably the worst blogger ever! I dont make the time to sit down and just DO it! Well tonight, I find myself sitting on the couch with nothin else to do (well Im sure there is plenty for me to do but....thats a whole other blog :) So Im gonna blog right now! I will try and be better I promise!

Say cheese-oh wait nevermind! :(

I went on a cruise at the beginning of February and since I have returned my camera has been on the fritz! Im so mad! What the heck?! With kids a camera is a must have! There have been so many blog entry opportunities but they have been lost due to no camera! I guess I will be having to purchase one soon!

I quit (not me this time, Cody)!

The other day Kyle was bugging Cody to play with him...his way of getting Cody to play goes something like this: Kyle shoves his little brother half way across the room then Cody yells at Kyle then I have two boys that are crying! Its great. Not really. Anyway, on with the story...Kyle starts his routine, this time Cody throws a punch at his big brother in defense and screams "I QUIT!!" I burst into laughter and asked my 3 year old what he is quiting and he simply replied "KYLE. I QUIT KYLE!" Apparently I need to watch what I say! Because my cute little Cody wants to quit being Kyle's brother! I feel ya Code...there are many days I wanna quit too! :) read blog below! :) hahaha

Hickory Dickory Dock.....

Ive been divorced now for about 2 years. I have come to be very independent these days and have gotten used to and kinda like not having a man around! I don't have to worry about the toliet seat being left up...I don't have to cook dinner if I don't wanna....when watching a show the channels arent being flipped through the commercials...etc. I do kinda miss the trash being taken out once in a while and definitely the trash can taken out to the curb every week then brought back up. But for the most part living by myself has been nice.

Well, NOT today!

Most of you may know I have recently moved into the home I grew up in. My parents are renting it to me. Its big, well HUGE. My kids have a nice big back yard, a playroom and they dont have to share a room. I was kinda hesitant when the idea came up but moved in and have come to kinda like it.

Well, NOT today!

Kyle has been wakin up kinda early the last few days...as in 5:45 early. I stay in bed and let him roam the house and he usually comes in and bugs me til I get my lazy butt up to turn the TV on for him. So this morning when he woke up, I thought id trick him I went downstairs about 6 and got him some more chocolate milk. Brought it up to him told him to go back to sleep. Ya Right! 10 minutes later he was in my room bugging me. He gave up went dowstairs for a few minutes then back up bugging me more! Finally I got up. Sat on the couch turned a lil sesame street on and kinda closed my eyes. Kyle goes into the kitchen and is a lil too quiet for my liking. I told Cody (mostly cuz I was still half asleep) to go see what his brother was doing. Cody starts to giggle and laugh so immediately I jump up and go into the kitchen where I find the fridge open and then Cody says "Kyle's playing with a mouse mom!" AWWWWWWWW! You have got to be kidding me?! There on the 2nd shelf in MY fridge is a DEAD mouse!!! I scream for them to shut the fridge and I run get my phone and frantically call my poor dad who gets to hear me scream and yell how gross this is and how I dont wanna live here and yada yada yada! I ask him when he's coming over to take care of it? He then says "well did u throw it away it yet?" Once again, are you kidding me? I am independent and I can take the trash out, I can unclog a toliet, I can clean poop off the carpet or couch (which I have on way too many occasions). But I draw the line at picking up and disposing a dead mouse out of my fridge!!!! Needless to say he came over right away to do it! Today I missed having a man around the house!!!

PS.So, now I have someone coming to help me with this....now Im questioning how this dead mouse got into my fridge? Im gonna have to say its safe to say my autistic son Kyle must have picked it up and placed it in there. Why me? Why? Having mice is a whole other issue which believe me is being addressed and taken care of or Im movin out! But why did my son have to touch it? And when did he do this? how many times did he touch my face with those same fingers that touched the dead mouse?! I mean.....ewww.

Cody my cute boy!

I just thought he looked so dang cute in this semi tacky train vest that Grandma bought him for church! I cant believe how big he's gettin'! Time really does fly! :(

Cody's new bed.....

I was talking on the phone the other day and turned around and was surprised to see Cody asleep at the bottom of the stairs! Not sure how long he was there! We recently moved into a house so the boys are no longer sharing a room, I think Cody is havin a tough time bein in a room without his big bro!