Money tree, where are you???

I am depressed. Why can't money grow on trees? I am so poor, and HATE it.

Cody the flying 3 year old

Why is everything an argument with my 3 year old? Tell me all 3 year olds are like this...because at this very moment as I type these words out, I want to throw him out the window!

Come on lotto!

Here is my wish list when James wins the lotto (he says he is gonna play today and i am crossing my fingers he wins...he said he'd share)!

1. Pay off all my credit card debt...what a relief that would be
2. King size bed with all new bedroom furniture
3. a pool in the backyard with a waterfall
4. a NANNY-fulltime...the kind that lives with you. So she can wake up at 6:30 every once in a while with them!
5. a new camera and photo shop program that I know how to use!
6. one of those cute new colored laptops by dell-Im tired of my computer having to be in a certain spot and if i move it comes unplugged and then shuts off. ugh!
7. someone who comes to my house once a month to clean my car-inside and out!
8. Tile or wood floors all over the downstairs...so tired of stained carpet.
9. I mean Id have to have someone to come clean that tile once a week...so a cleaning person!
10. a trip to Hawaii for 2 weeks! How nice would that be?!!
hmmm what else, this is kinda fun...
11. A house by the beach and a house by my parents. Best of both worlds!


I guess thats all for now...I dont think its much. Maybe the rest of my share Id save for a rainy day!! :) Until all this happens I will think of things I can add to my wish list!

Patience.....

Today is Sunday. Today Victor, Kyle's respite guy, usually comes to watch him and play with him so I can get a few things done or have a break or whatever. Well, Victor is taking a vacation (i dont blame him) which left me with no break. I woke up this morning with a great idea. Take the kids to Target. All of you who know me well, know I do not venture out with both my kids very often. Especially by myself. Kyle alone demands all my attention in a store. Then you add busy Cody and it makes for a stressful trip. Well, today I woke up feeling pretty confident (and I needed wipes ASAP so maybe desperate)! I got the kids dressed and off we went. I even decided to drive to Super Target. Their carts are better, its less crowded ( a bonus for Kyle), and I needed a few grocery items.

I talked to Cody the whole way there about being a good boy and listening to mommy and trying to help Kyle if he cries, etc. We pulled up to my favorite place on earth. Unload both the kids and walk over to grab a cart. Cody of course already starts to whine about not wanting to get in the cart. I use all my muscle to lift my giant almost 6 year old autistic child into the front of the cart. Mind you he doesnt help at all, dead weight. I am trying to weed his legs into the holes and its not working, hes huge! Finally after a few attempts we get it. Cody is hanging on the front of the cart and we are off to shop, as fast as I possibly can

We start out pretty good. Cody acting like a train and Kyle taking in all the things going on around us. Then we pass the Tvs. Uh oh. Kyle starts to whine and point at the Tvs. He wants to go watch. I wanna hurry up and get outta the store. I keep going. Kyle is getting increasingly aggitated and Im getting increasingly anxious. Cody has gotten off the cart about 800x by the time we are half way done. I keep threatening him and he keeps not listening. At one point he gets off and sees something. Goes over picks it up shrugs his shoulders and PUTS IT IN HIS MOUTH! I know so gross. Calmly as possible, I walk over to get him and tell him thats not ok and to see what it was exactly, when Kyle starts to cry and proceeds to throw things outta the cart. Wonderful. I tell Cody to get back on the cart or else!! Im sure he was real scared. Ha.

Off to produce where Cody has to touch everything that he can get his mitts on (reason enough to wash your fruits and vegies folks). I am reaching for cilantro when a man walks too close for Kyle's comfort. Kyle grabs him. Nice. I smile and apologize. Cody is now running circles around the produce area. I try and stay calm and collected. I wait for him to get close to me and I snatch him. I carry him the rest of the shopping visit.

Finally checkout time. I pick a line thats short and load my stuff on the counter fast like a bunny. Cody is now laying on the bottom of the cart and Kyle is starting to make lots of noise cuz he likes the echo! I tell Kyle what a good boy he was and we are almost done. He really did pretty good. I was impressed and even thought I could do this again with some minor changes (cody in the cart the whole time). I walked out to the car with Cody riding on the bottom of the cart and Kyle making his "bird call" noises.

I started loading my groceries with Cody crawling around the cart and ground..me telling him to get up its dirty on the ground. As Im doing this the woman behind me in line approached me with a smile. She told me she had to come tell me how impressed she was with my patience. She said how great I handled it and how impatient she is with her own kids. I told her with tears welling up under my sun glasses, how much she just made my day! And she did. So often I think I am so impatient with my kids and to know that some stranger noticed me trying my best to be patient meant more than she will ever know! So thank you to the woman in Super Target who made me not wanna quit my job as a mom today! (I knew I loved Target) :)

Do things ever really change?

Im gonna warn u all that this blog is more about me venting than anything so if it doesnt make sense sorry....with that said. I have been divorced for going on 3 years and the man is still the same selfish man he was when we were married. Is it possible for someone to change? In his case, I dont think its possible. All he thinks about is himself, I have never known someone to be as self centered as he is. Ive never known a dad to be so disconnected from his kids. He tells me ALL the time that those kids mean everything to him but in the same breath tell me he is "booked on thursdays and Saturdays until October". Keep in mind he sees his boys 2x a month and it happens to be Thursday night thru Sunday. So basically he is too busy for his own kids that he sees so little as it is. I can't begin to tell you how frustrating it is to have the father of your children totally disreguard the needs of them to fulfill his own selfish wants. I don't get it. I feel so sad for Kyle and Cody, they are the ones who will suffer. They are too young to realize what their dad is doing now but one day they will realize it and I do not look forward to that sad day. Until then what do you do? I guess be the best mom I can and keep my feelings for their dad separate.....divorce sucks.

Another Kyle adventure....

This morning I was upstairs rushing to get ready...therapy was going to be a lil earlier. I was just about ready (putting my shirt on) when up the stairs runs Cody! Panting he says in a very panicked voice "Mommy, Kyle is gonna burn our house...he put spiderman in the toaster and made it go down and now there is biiiiig fire!" I instantly freak out and run downstairs so fast (I am surprised I didn't eat it on the way down) to smell burned plastic...probably one of the worst smells! I turn the corner to the kitchen to see the toaster smoking! I unplug it only to see spiderman in a big melted mess. Of course Kyle is in the other room completely oblivious to what he just did. I thanked Cody for telling me and waited for spiderman to cool and peeled him outta the toaster. My dad comments on a regular basis what a great life Kyle leads...I have to agree...he sure does lead a pretty careless life! Some days, I will have to admit it would be kinda nice to be in Kyle's shoes! :)

Feeling grateful....

Today I am feeling extremely grateful for the life I lead. Sometimes (who am I kidding, most days) I feel sorry for myself and what I have to endure everyday. Im a single mom with 2 kids, one being autistic. I feel so often that I am not gonna make it. One more day of therapy, one more day of a mess kyle has made, one more day of Cody whining, one more day of arguing with Mike. Not. Gonna. Make. It. But, really I need to stop and think to myself how truely blessed I am. Life isn't easy for anyone, but the way we deal with it is what matters. I have 2 kids that love me and teach me something new everyday! I have a family who are extremely supportive even if I make choices they don't agree with. I have parents who love my kids and love me more than anything, and do so much for me. I have friends that will listen when I call to complain about my life and then root me on. I really am lucky. There are so many people out there dealing with life's trials with much better attitudes! They inspire me to be a better person, a more positive person, a more patient person! So, today I am gonna start TRYING to look at what I have to be grateful for, and not focus so much on the negative! It could ALWAYS be worse, right?!

what happened mommy?

Leave it to Cody to boost his mom's self esteem through the roof. I am 27 years old and still get the occasional zit (usually its a once a month kinda thing...if u know what I mean). I hate them. They make me feel self conscious and un pretty. I try and cover it up using waaaay too much cover up and make it look worse in the end but I can't leave it bright red and pulsing, right?! Have I mentioned how much I hate zits?! My 3 year old, bless his lil innocent heart, (without fail) has to point it out EVERYtime I get one. He asks me in a sweet voice, while pointing to this abscess on my face, "Mommy is that an ouwee (spellling?) ???" To keep him from asking any more questions about this thing, I reply with a simple "Yes". He then begins to ask how I got it and what I "banged" it on? I mean, thank you Cody for pointing out the very thing I thought I hid so well with half that bottle of cover up!!!!!! And once again I hate zits and wish I would grow up and NOT have them anymore!

Who stepped on a duck?!

Growing up with 5 boys in the house, 4 brothers and a dad, farting was something that happened on a regular basis. I hated it. I still do. My brothers would do it and laugh and laugh, they still do. My dad would do it and everyone would laugh and laugh, and everyone still does. I remember growing up my dad would do this horrible gross thing and then look around and say "Who stepped on a duck?". Well, he has taught this to my innocent, cute, 3 year old Code. So the other night Cody was up late, we were snuggling on the couch and he....farted. He smiled and looked around and then said "I stepped on a duck, mom!" I couldn't help but giggle. Then He looked at me and said straight faced as ever "I've been steppin on a lotta ducks lately!!" Then I let out a laugh! I hate farting, I think it is the nastiest thing and sould be left for the restroom but how could I not LOL at that one?! So, thank you dad for teaching my son that phrase. For some reason when that is said by a 3 year old that bodily function isn't so bad!